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This...I just cannot explain. It's crack. But at least now it's out of my head and into yours.

Title: Some Things Are Different in the O.Z.
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Cain/Glitch, Raw/Jeb, DG
Summary: I...can't even imagine. Just...let's say it's part-crack, part-meta, and complete insanity.




DG woke up to a warm, cozy den, feeling more at home than she had in a long time.

She rolled her head to the side and froze, eyes impossibly wide.

There, on the opposite couch, was Raw, comfortably sprawled with Jeb's head in his lap. One big, gentle hand was lazily stroking Jeb's hair. Now, this was not an usual sight on any night at the Palace.

What gave her pause...that is, what confused the living crap out of her, was where Raw's other hand was resting. Draped almost possessively over Jeb's abdomen...his very round, very pregnant abdomen.

DG closed her eyes, counted to ten very slowly and chanced another look. Nothing changed.

She sat up slowly, the blanket covering her dropping down into a pile on her lap. "Um, Jeb?"

Jeb turned his head toward her sleepily, a faint smile on his lips. "Princess?"

"How...long have you been...uh, expecting?"

His little smile turned into a perplexed frown. "Huh...I think," he started, looking up at Raw. "Just over eight months, now?"

DG most definitely did not remember Jeb being in this condition the last time she saw him. Which was...this morning? At breakfast? Wait, what were we doing -

"Is something wrong, DG?" Glitch's voice startled her out of her drifting thoughts and she turned to see Glitch and Cain curled up together on another piece of furniture, their favorite oversized, overstuffed chair. "You sound like this is the first you've heard the news."

"It...let's pretend it is," DG said slowly, turning back to the odd display of domestic normality. "How did...Jeb, you're a guy!"

Jeb snorted. "Last I looked," he shifted a bit, bringing his own hand up to rub absently at his belly.

"How did you get pregnant?"

"Well, when two people love each other very much - "

DG growled in frustration. "I know that part! I just - men can't have babies!"

It was Raw who looked confused this time, but then his face lit up in understanding. "DG not grow up in Outer Zone! Does not know!"

"Oh!" Glitch exclaimed, clapping a hand over his mouth in dismay. "I hadn't even thought of that! Deeg, I know where you grew up women bear children, but here it's the men who carry the offspring. I'm sorry, we just assumed you knew!"

DG rubbed her temples, trying to dispel the growing headache. "Let me get this straight. Jeb's pregnant, with what I can only assume is Raw's kid. Does that mean Wyatt gave birth to Jeb?!"

"Of course," Wyatt shrugged. "He was a pretty easy pregnancy, actually. I got lucky with him."

Jeb sighed. "I'm hoping that's at least hereditary. I won't let Raw tell me if it's a boy or a girl, but I can already tell this kid's size takes after Raw." He stroked his thumb over his abdomen.

"But wait - does that mean Ahamo had Az and me?" DG stared at them in horror, looking over at Glitch.

"Well, no," Glitch answered, tilting his head thoughtfully. "See, he was from the Other Side, so he couldn't have kids."

DG hesitated. "So, if my mom didn't have us, and Ahamo couldn't, who did?"

"They had a surrogate," Cain answered.

"Who?"

Glitch grinned and gave a little wave of his hand.

~~

DG woke up with a scream, which startled all four men hovering over her anxiously into jumping back.

"Oh, DG, you had us scared out of our minds!" Glitch was the first to go back to hovering over her face, his hands wringing worriedly. "You hit your head when you fell on the ice and even Raw couldn't wake you up and - "

"That's enough, Glitch, give her some air," Cain's hand came from behind Glitch, wrapping over his shoulder and pulling him back. Cain himself came into view, if slightly blurry. "How's the head, kid?"

Taking a moment to blink things into focus, DG turned to look at Jeb. Who looked normal and decidedly not pregnant. She sighed, then looked back at Glitch. "Please tell me you weren't the one to give birth to my sister and I."

Glitch gaped at her for a moment, then looked down at himself. "Do these look like birthing hips to you?"

DG groaned and covered her face with gloved hands. She vowed never to go ice skating again.


**

End

You read it. You can't UNREAD IT.

Tags:

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
kseda
Dec. 31st, 2008 03:46 am (UTC)
THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING omg.

Also? *facepalm* Oh, you...
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 04:29 am (UTC)
HA! *smothers you with love*
eleanor_ariail
Dec. 31st, 2008 04:32 am (UTC)
AAhahahah! I would never want to unread that, for it was awesome. Preggy!Jeb is adorrrable, as is proudly-slender!Glitch. Oh, I love mpreg, whether real or hallucinated.
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 04:46 am (UTC)
*happy dance of joy* THANK YOU! I love mpreg too, but so many people don't, I've been reluctant to do anything with it in this fandom. So I compromised. :D I'm so glad you liked it!
koslorollo
Dec. 31st, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)
HA!!!!

I laughed through the whole thing. This was my bed time story. I'll let you know what sort of dreams I wind up having! ;)

Also, I read the lj-cut text as "leave your bra at the door".

*rubs face* Yeah, I needs to be going to bed now.

Good fic! Thanks for it! :D I laughed, I cried, I wobbled, and then I laughed again.


ugh, edit...

Edited at 2008-12-31 04:49 am (UTC)
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 04:50 am (UTC)
*rofl* Oh, you're so cute with your sleepy misreading! *giggles madly* Thanks for reading!! I fought so hard against it, but then Glitch popped up with his little grin and hand-wave and I just...had to.

You'll definitely have to tell me if your dreams are messed up by this! Bwahaha! :D Thanks again!
koslorollo
Dec. 31st, 2008 03:16 pm (UTC)
Surr! I had NO DREAMS last night... None that I can recall! I don't know if I'm glad or slightly disappointed!

Hey, did Anndie come back yet?
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 03:53 pm (UTC)
Hehehee! I'd say it's probably a good thing. *giggles*

And yes - she got back yesterday, I picked her up at the airport around 5pm. :)
ameonna1
Dec. 31st, 2008 06:15 am (UTC)
This was pretty much the best thing ever to be posted while I'm hopped up on the NyQuil. :) Also, I totally got chocolate milk all over my desk at "Do these look like birthing hips to you?"

Wonderful!
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 06:40 am (UTC)
Bwahaa! *hands you a paper towel* That's the best! *giggles* Oh, NyQuil - it makes everything more amusing! :D

Thank you!!
megcarryn
Dec. 31st, 2008 06:31 am (UTC)
Oh so cute!
I don't want to un-read it. *loves*
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 06:41 am (UTC)
Yay! :D Thanks so much! *does a happy dance*
bloodanna
Dec. 31st, 2008 07:29 am (UTC)
BWhahahahahaha! So, so cracky, I love it and I love how it's never stated at the end that, that's not how things work in The O.Z. just that Glitch is not going to be birthing no babies with his hips. *loves him and you because, well, you were crazy enough to write it.*
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 07:32 am (UTC)
Heeee!!! You've got a good point...Glitch didn't seem to find the question unusual...*grin*

Thank you very much! I'm more than happy to bring the crazy! :D
truthwritaslies
Dec. 31st, 2008 09:50 am (UTC)
Glitch gaped at her for a moment, then looked down at himself. "Do these look like birthing hips to you?"

Best. Line. ever. lqtm (since it's 2 am)

I have birthing hips which makes me happy, but I can't carry babies which makes me sad.
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
*cackles* Oh, Glitch. He's always good for the best lines! :D Thank you so much!!
archon_mentha
Dec. 31st, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing* Best. Mpreg. Evar!

Oh, I needed this. So badly. Thank you. :)
surranndie
Dec. 31st, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
*grin* That's quite a compliment and much appreciated! I'm so happy to have provided it! Thank you very much! :D
redbird57
Jan. 1st, 2009 12:12 am (UTC)
Do these look like birthing hips to you?
ROFL!
surranndie
Jan. 1st, 2009 12:27 am (UTC)
*GRIN!* Oh, Glitch. :D
avari_maethor
Jan. 2nd, 2009 01:42 am (UTC)
-snickers very heavily- That... oh THAT just made my night.

"Do these look like birthing hips to you?"

XD
surranndie
Jan. 2nd, 2009 01:48 am (UTC)
Hehehee! *grins madly* Don't get me wrong, I love mpreg like crazy...have written it in another fandom, even. But sometimes, Glitch just needs to have that last line. :D Thanks for reading, I'm thrilled you liked it!

Now, to keep the full-sized Jeb!mpreg plot bunnies at bay...they're persistent!
witchywanda666
Jan. 2nd, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC)
*Head 'splodes all over library floor*

YOU WIN THE INTERNETSSS !


*locks this up tight in memory vault so that even SHE can't get to it again*
surranndie
Jan. 2nd, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
*gives a bow*

\o/ ~hugs the internets~
riddleblack246
Jun. 18th, 2011 10:28 am (UTC)
DG hesitated. "So, if my mom didn't have us, and Ahamo couldn't, who did?"

"They had a surrogate," Cain answered.

"Who?"

Glitch grinned and gave a little wave of his hand.


Glitch gaped at her for a moment, then looked down at himself. "Do these look like birthing hips to you?"

Two of the funniest... lines? Moments? Thingys I've ever read. ^_^ Absolutely awesome. *grins idiotically* Off to go draw fan art XD.
surranndie
Jun. 18th, 2011 02:55 pm (UTC)
Bwaaha! Thank you so much, I'm happy to have amused! :D Glitch always comes up with the best lines!
riddleblack246
Jun. 18th, 2011 04:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, you're very welcome. I love your Glitch/Cain stories! Someone mentioned to me that you like Glitch/Cain stories, so I thought you might want to check this out; http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6918503/1/Cant_Dance_Around_This
Quick warning though; It's an mpreg story >////< I hope you'll read it/like it.
surranndie
Jun. 18th, 2011 04:47 pm (UTC)
Heh! I'll check it out! No need to warn for mpreg - I've written a few of those myself. :) (Though in Tin Man fandom, it was a Raw/Jeb pairing for the mpreg with a side of Glitch/Cain.)
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )